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| 03/2007 The Birth Order Line-Up |
By: By Susan Brooke Day - March 2007
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My big sister is the boss. Always was and forever will remain. Evidently that's a hallmark of older children. And whether you believe in the idea that your self-esteem and the broader base of your personality is shaped by your birth order or not, i am living proof that there's something to the birth-order line-up theory ... at least in the lineup of siblings I come from. I can say, yes, she's my older sister and know exactly what that means. Or yes, he's my younger brother and understand that underlying essence, too. Anyone raised with siblings knows what I mean.
OK, maybe it's popular culture and not hard facts that drive our understanding. There are a multitude of variables, but after all, it's parents -- not to be confused with so-called experts -- who discuss kids in terms of where they fall among siblings and why that makes them the way they are:
"Oh, well, she's the oldest of four, that's why she's so determined" or, "He's the baby in the family, that's why he's so coddled!" is common banter in parenting circles when talking about children.
My big sister means more to me than just about anyone else I know. It's partly because she's an older girl, partly because I lived with her for so long, and partly because we were both vying for our parent's attention. A competition was woven into our fibers early on and because we received equal amounts of big love our personalities developed fully even with our four-year difference.
I am smack in the middle of five. Older sister, older brother, younger sister, younger brother. And each one of them can tell you that I am the diplomat. The one who can remain neutral, looking at all sides of any conflict, yes, but also the one who can hide what's really going on until it's pried out. Big sister could make her needs known instantly and I still envy that. I determined to do everything for myself no matter what it took and without anyone else's help. So you had the loud mouth (big sister) and the observer (me) and then little sister along one day and took one look at her two older sisters and said to herself, "No way, that's not for me, I'm going to go my own way," and that's exactly what she did ... quietly, sweetly and wickedly brilliant.
The boys? My older brother is calm and self-assured. He also has a kind of built-in reverence for our older sister that is undeniable. She took the helm of her big sisterhood and committed herself to it. When he came along, she put her arm around him and said, "It's you and me, kid." That arm is figuratively around him still. And little brother IS little brother. He's witty, charming, loved and ... taken care of. It took him a bit longer than the rest of us to realize he had to do things for himself but when he got it he took charge.
Theorizing about birth order is a little like astrology. It's fun! You can think about it and say, "Oh, that's me all over," or you can be contrary and say, "Yeah, but it doesn't stack up when it comes to her or him ..." No matter. Small things can be gained from even the tiniest bit of understanding. Understanding leads to compassion. We can all use that in raising our children. We can all use that 24 hours a day. So whether there's anything concrete to be known about birth order, there's plenty to be learned when we zero-in on our kids. |
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