I'm not going to kid myself or you. There was a time when the mention of a birthday party at my house could produce an audible groan. From me. Isn't that sad? Isn't that too bad? I've been throwing multiple birthday parties each year for years so maybe you can understand my plight for its kind of tripled effect ... but my birthday rut actually came about with a little help from where some parents are at when it comes to birthdays. And it all adds up to a little ditty we call "Keeping up with the Joneses."

You know what I mean if you have kids older than 4 because it starts right around age 5. The parties to top all parties. You will likely go to one and spend time repeatedly closing your awestruck mouth. It's a party where the mom, endlessly budgeted, throws a full-scale carnivale in her backyard complete with game booths, a popcorn machine, a sno-cone machine, inflatables, a magician, strolling clowns, cute, colorful buckets with each party guest's name painted on, organized photo sessions, an enourmous multi-tiered birthday cake designed as a circus train complete with plastic animals of all kinds "riding" upon it, and, as if that's still not enough, bubble stations, temporary tattoo stations, balloons blowing in the wind and finally, a whopper of a party favor in the shape of an extra-large upside down party hat loaded with interesting candy, toys and just in case this wasn't good enough, a coupon for a free Chuck E. Cheese pizza.

I really went to a party like this and it practically sent me running back to my car in distress. I could not, would not sam-I-am, not in a chair, not anywhere, ever be able to make that a reality in my backyard. Maybe, maybe if it was the ONE party of th eyear and it was for all four of my kids at the same time and my entire neighborhood volunteered. Say, there's an idea! Start planning that with your mom friends immediately!

I have felt the thin urgency of birthday stress that finds parents shelling out upwards of $300 to have someone else manage your child's birthday for you. All you have to do is bring the cake. Oh, no! What kind of cake? Hand me the phone, would you, and what did you say was the name of that great bakery? Oh no, don't tell me we don't remember the name of that GREAT BAKERY?

After 13 years of children's parties at my house or away from home, I can honestly say that the very best parties were the ones where I did the work myself and didn't make a big deal about it.

Kids do not care if the party is top of the line, and if they DO, then something's out of kilter on the inside. Oh yes, they want everything to go well, they want their friends to have a blast and they want their party to be a success. But let's definte that:

A successful party is one where the parent or parents are present, in easy and fun moods, and prepared with what's needed based on the birthday child's wishes. Mom has taken the time to make all the arrangements in plenty of time for what's been planned and here, dear readers, we unearth the ultimate birthday key: planning your timing wisely to make your arrangements stick.

A friend of mine yearns for the days when a child's party meant Pin the Tail on the Donkey, Musical Chairs and ice cream and cake. You can still do that! that's a perfect party for 4-year-olds! It's true, though, that as kids get older and you start seeing the lengths to which parents will go (hotel sleepovers with room service, limo rides with appetizers and karaoke, a rocket ship to the moon -- just kidding, but you know), be ready to chill your jets.

Be the mom who doesn't buy into all of that. Be the mom who listens to her child, makes an easy plan and pulls it off without any fuss. And when it comes to those dreaded party favors at the end of the party? Kids just love those jumbo plastic pixie stixs. One, cool, inexpensive item that won't be unwrapped and discarded a mere two minutes after buckling in the car will do the trick.