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| One Crazy, Bumpy Ride in a Messy Car |
By: By Susan Brooke Day - April 2008
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There are too many moments in life that pass by at lightning speed. I can’t get emails answered fast enough, and sometimes even witty, uplifting messages from my brothers and sisters linger in my Inbox for days. That’s just the way it goes, and if anyone’s offended by my timing – or lack thereof – well it’s certainly not intended. I am imperfect. I will answer when I can, but given all that goes on in life sometimes, I see no point in jumping fast to answer the phone – especially during the all-too-rare moments when my family actually sits down for dinner. And for the record, what makes a phone call more important than something else a person is doing at any given moment? Why do we consider it rude if someone doesn’t get back immediately? It’s NOT 1933 anymore, and phone calls rarely signify that something drastic has occurred and you simply must answer the phone! Furthermore – and this is a good one – why should a ringing phone at Blockbuster take precedent over a paying customer who has been waiting in line for 10 minutes? OK, settle down, bucko.
For years I have been in a race to reach some kind of finish line … But for what? What is it we parents are racing toward if not a good life in the present moment?
I have noticed with alarm that my 12-year-old son has grown inches before my eyes. I have also noticed that my 5-year-old is now officially too heavy for me to tote around. When he allows it, I relish the chance to cuddle with him in my lap. The problem is, he never wants to stay long enough anymore, and he’s often running up the stairs in search of his big brothers’ company over mine, or he’s running out the door to join them in a game of driveway hockey – or the phone rings! Tomorrow I will register my firstborn for high school and I think, for the first time in my life, that I’m feeling the sad pangs that empty nesters know – even though I still have one more heading into kindergarten! It’s because I see how fast it is going. And it’s faster all the time.
I have a fun friend, Laurel, who also has four kids. Caught in the middle of a child-centered debacle, she blew in my backdoor yesterday and came barreling toward me in the kitchen, holding her family’s new lab puppy under his front legs. Laurel always moves fast and that made the puppy’s fat, pink belly hang down in sway to her rhythm. She jokingly whispered all out of breath with that funny puppy just hanging there in her arms, “Susan, don’t you wish sometimes that we were already empty nesters?!” And I laughed and nodded my head emphatically while I elbow greased something stuck to my kitchen table. “Oh yeah!” I answered, “Sometimes I have terrible thoughts about how I’m just going to get in my car and drive away!” And that’s the truth. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Because I’m not perfect, and no mother is. We tire of the day-in-and-day-out. We want something more than what we have sometimes, and we are often unsatisfied – selfishly enough – by the riches we’ve actually been given. And that’s the struggle. To make peace with all you have – droopy puppy bellies and mysterious matter stuck to the kitchen table included.
Raising kids is sloppy. It is one crazy, bumpy ride in a messy car. It’s a life filled with spills, drills, miscommunications, tummy aches and activities that never seem to end. It is time away from YOU, but it IS you. And it’s the fastest time of your life. There will be plenty of time later for rocking in a chair on a front porch – and hopefully with a lapful of grandbabies!
For too long I have wrestled with how to manage everything without losing my wits with grace and fortitude. I’ve tried to be a straight line when life, in fact, is a scrawl. And because I’m in it for the long run, and because I love my family, I suppose I just have to accept that love is in fact, one huge, gigantic imperfection … called life.
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