Driving home to pick up my kids from three different places, I passed an after-school football practice taking place in a meadow. High school boys ran full speed in place, pads on shoulders, helmets snapped, feet lifting fast. I love fall and football, so it was a warm moment to take in as I passed. But I also saw lots and lots of parents hanging around watching, the moms with so many different things on their minds (like the grocery lists that needed tending to on the way home) and the dads, relishing in the sentimental glory of their son’s sport. Watching kids practice is a good thing if you have time for it, but the truth is, most of us have jobs, homes, activities and other kids to keep up with before taking time to hang out at practices. Don’t worry if you miss those practices. In other countries, parents do not stand around on the practice fields – they only attend the games. Practices are the domain of players and coaches, and parents are asked to occupy themselves elsewhere!

But there is an activity where parents should be hanging around more than they do. Look around: Everywhere you go there are kids on cell phones and computers, kids with iPod buds in their ears, kids with DS Lites, Gameboys – all endeavors that exclude parents. If you want to be a part of their lives in a substantial way you literally have to butt in – and they don’t want you to! Life without parents means no rules! If you have an older elementary school child or a middle-schooler, then you know the digital ditch all too well. Parents are busier than ever, families are studies in controlled chaos, and with so many different technological ways for our kids to be occupied today, they don’t even have to talk to us anymore!

We’re in danger of letting technology have its way with our children to the exclusion of us. There’s nothing healthy about that, so I applaud the new battle being waged in smarter homes around the country. Parents who want their kids to read, write and communicate face-to-face are getting firm on setting real limits on cell phones, computer use and games – and making more time for togetherness and good, old life. They are unplugging their kids, grounding them from cell phones when they are misused and taking back the reins.

What about you? Do you let your daughter work on a computer all alone in her room? Do you let your son have unlimited access to You Tube? Do you have any idea what kinds of messages your texters are typing on their cell phones? And, do you know that kids who don’t want their parents in their business erase their histories on their phones and computers to keep their parents at bay? Hello, hello, are you monitoring?

If your children are still too young for all of this stuff, then consider yourself lucky. You have time to make wise decisions about what technology is going to look like in your home and how it’s going to be used when your kids are old enough. In the unparented world of technology – text messaging, online time and so forth – it may feel like you’re not welcomed, but you should be. Check in regularly, trust your instincts and be the parent who knows what’s really going on.