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| 09/2006 - Understanding Shy |
By: By Susan Brooke Day - September 2006
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A little girl stood up in front of a crowd of people and belted out, “Doe, a deer, a female deer!” with all the gusto her mother had taught her standing by the piano at home. Home! For her, a wonderful, comforting place filled with the people she loved, the smells, the sounds. Suddenly though, when the head man directing what her mother had called “auditions” pointed to the little girl and told her to join the select group of children on the stage, she was overcome by fear and nervousness.
“Go on, honey! He wants to see you again!” her mother urged, excitedly, pushing her gently forward with her hand.
The little girl’s knees locked. And I know because that little girl was me. In fact, they locked so tightly that I can remember freezing stiff in the aisle of the theater and the horrifying feeling that every single face was watching the heat rising in my own. That’s when I fiercely shook my head side to side and screamed out, “No! No! I don’t want to!”
Eventually, someone carried me back to the seat next to my mother, but I could sense her deep disappointment. She had never seen this from me before — I hadn’t even started kindergarten yet — and she had hoped that I would be in this production of “The Sound of Music” with her. It had been easy to sing at home and I had wanted to do this. But with all eyes on me it no longer was.
As odd as it may seem to those who know me today, I am an introvert. I know that’s OK, but I’ve also learned to overcome it when necessary because I was encouraged (and encouraged and encouraged!) to reach out to the world of possibilities. Still, I can remember my parents throwing parties and wishing they would end so I could have my extroverted and very fun mother back. Oh, I like parties, don’t get me wrong, but I prefer to know everyone there because then it doesn’t take the energy required to meet and greet. Meanwhile, my introversion allows me to develop great friends because I excel at one-on-one relationships. And being introverted attracted me to the man I married — he’s as outgoing as they come — and great for bringing me out!
Kimberly Kennedy’s excellent piece, “Knock, Knock, Who’s There?” (page 17) details the differences between introverted and extroverted children, and it’s worth the read. Many of us are so hurried these days with school back in, football, soccer, you name it, we can overlook the deeply-rooted emotional essences of our kids. It’s worth identifying each one of your children’s personality types because it will give you a real handle on their particular needs.
My 10-year-old, Noah, is an introvert while my other three — Alexandra, 12, Tucker, 8 and Thomas, 3 — are all extroverts. So I understand that it can be challenging for Noah to meet new people and dive in to new experiences, even to speak up in class. That’s OK ... But I also know that exerting oneself is important. We must try. We live in a community of interesting people and amazing places, and we must join in. For those among us who are introverts — no squeaky wheels just yet — a bit more hand holding is required in the early years.
And that little girl who sang “Do Re Me?” She still loves to sing, and today, especially to people. But that just simply wasn’t the case when she was a wee, shy 5-year-old.
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